And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
