I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head