Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
