apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"