How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
