it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag