plz talk dirty to me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.