you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
