She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
