I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
