I have demons in me.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
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Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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