apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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