i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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