porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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