can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
