he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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