Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
