so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
