Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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