I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
barbara walters just said penis...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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