I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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