So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
