Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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