he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Randomize
