Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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