Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
