it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
