I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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