You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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