dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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