I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
