A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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