halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
