Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
