Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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