guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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