Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
