I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
