dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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