He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
