he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
