yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
