take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
