I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
