Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
