he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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