i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
