This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
