Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
