I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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