I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
