You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
where are my eyebrows?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
