The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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