Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
