dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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