My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
