Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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