I want to stick my p in your. b.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
