SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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