Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
