The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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