he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
