a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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