Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
