Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
