I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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