Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
