I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize