so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
