this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
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i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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