So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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