The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
