Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
