It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
