If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
