I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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