Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
